We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
