I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
