Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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