Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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