they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I had to cum in my sink.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
