You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
