Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Who died my cat blue again?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize