How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
