Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
