Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
