I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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