He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you will always have a special place in my vag
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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