I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
