Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize