i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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