he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
