Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
