We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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