He kissed a someone with a penis
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
