i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
