I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
