I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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