I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
