My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
