The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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