She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize