If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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