do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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