my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize