bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize