that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
