Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
