My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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