spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
