what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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