Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
