How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize