Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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