her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
