i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
