Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
