Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
