Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
