About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
