remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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