the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
