grandma shit on top of the toilet
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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