This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
