accomplished twins. life is a go
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize