your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
