Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
