I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
