I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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