it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
