I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
