just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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