I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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