Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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