Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
