You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
