whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
