He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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