if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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