would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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