I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
