guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
